---
title: How Do You Figure Out What Your Core Values Are?
description: Core values aren't a word list. They're what you actually choose when it costs you. Here's a 5-step way to find yours, backed by research.
image: https://www.optyoumize.com/hubfs/figure%20out%20your%20core%20values.jpg
---

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# How Do You Figure Out What Your Core Values Are?

Core values aren't a word list. They're what you actually choose when it costs you. Here's a 5-step way to find yours, backed by research.

![](https://www.optyoumize.com/hubfs/figure%20out%20your%20core%20values.jpg)

# How Do You Figure Out What Your Core Values Are?

By **[Brett Ingram](https://www.optyoumize.com/about)** | Last updated October 4, 2026 | 7 minute read

You figure out your core values by looking at your life, not at a word list. Your values are the things you keep choosing even when they cost you something: the moments you felt most alive, the things that make you irritated or envious, and the decisions you'd make again. Write those down, look for the pattern underneath them, then narrow it to three to five values and define each one as a behavior you could actually do on a Tuesday. A value you can't describe in action is just a nice word. A value you can describe in action is a compass.

## The Simple Answer

A core value is a direction you want your life to keep moving in, such as honesty, craft, adventure, family or fairness. It isn't a goal you finish. You never "complete" honesty. Psychologist Hank Robb makes a similar point in a paper on **[values as leading principles in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ801192.pdf)**: what matters about a value is the pursuit itself, and any outcomes are simply a part of that pursuit if they arrive. In plain terms, a goal is a place you reach. A value is the way you want to travel.

## Why Do Values Lists Rarely Work?

If you've ever done one of those exercises, you know the drill. Here are 150 words. Circle your top ten. Narrow to five. You end up with something like "growth, integrity, family, freedom, health," and then you look at it and think: sure, but so would anyone.

The problem is that picking a word from a list tests what you admire, not what you live by. Almost everyone admires integrity. Almost nobody's calendar proves it on any given Thursday. A list also can't tell you how a value shows up for you specifically. Two people can both choose "family" and mean completely different things: one wants to be home for dinner every night, the other wants to be the person who flies across the country when a cousin is in trouble.

So skip the list, at least at first. Use evidence instead.

## Why Bother? What Do Values Actually Do for You?

Fair question, since this can sound like soft stuff. There's real research here, though it's worth being precise about what it shows.

A 2023 study in the *Journal of Personality* by Paul Hanel and colleagues tracked 184 people through a nine-day diary study, collecting 1,434 daily observations. According to the **[study abstract](https://www.research.ed.ac.uk/en/publications/value-fulfillment-and-well-being-clarifying-directions-over-time/)**, people who were able to fulfill their self-direction values (think independence and freedom to choose your own path) reported more positive well-being the next day. The relationship also ran the other way: feeling good predicted doing better at living by certain values the following day. The pattern held across the EU/UK, India and Türkiye.

That's a short diary study, not proof that values cause happiness, and the authors found a two-way relationship rather than a simple one-way arrow. But it supports a modest, sensible idea: days when you act in line with what matters to you tend to be followed by days when you feel better, and feeling better makes it easier to do it again.

There's also a line of research on what happens when you simply reflect on your values. A review by Geoffrey Cohen and David Sherman in the **[Annual Review of Psychology](https://annualreviews.org/doi/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115137)** describes how self-affirmation exercises, where people write about personally meaningful values, can produce a broader view of the self and have been linked to benefits in education, health and relationships. Some effects from brief exercises lasted months or years. That's a review of a research area, and results vary, so I'd treat it as a reason to take ten minutes seriously rather than a guarantee.

## How Do You Actually Find Your Core Values? (5 Steps)

This is my own working method, not a validated instrument. It borrows the spirit of the research above: start with what you actually care about, and be specific. Grab a notebook. Give it 30 to 45 minutes.

### Step 1: Collect your peak moments.

Write down three to five times you felt fully like yourself. Not your proudest résumé moments, necessarily. Maybe it was teaching a kid to ride a bike, staying up late to fix something nobody asked you to fix, or a conversation that ran three hours. For each, ask: what was I honoring in that moment?

### Step 2: Mine your irritation.

Write down what reliably annoys you in other people. Sloppiness? Dishonesty? People who never ask questions? Irritation is often a value viewed from the outside. If lateness makes your blood pressure rise, you may value respect for other people's time. If cutting corners bothers you, craft or care may be on the list.

### Step 3: Notice your envy.

Who do you quietly envy, and what exactly do they have? Usually it's not the house. It's the freedom, the depth of friendships, the work that looks absorbing. Envy is a pointer to something you want more of.

### Step 4: Find the pattern and name it.

Read what you wrote and look for repeats. You'll likely see the same three to six themes in different clothing. Name each one in your own words. "Curiosity" is fine. "Always understanding how things work and not being embarrassed to ask" is better.

### Step 5: Turn each value into a behavior.

This is the step that makes it real. For each of your three to five values, finish this sentence: "When I'm living this value, I..." Make it something you could film. If your value is "generosity," maybe it's "I pick up the check without making a thing of it" or "I reply to people who ask me for advice, even when I'm busy."

### Values vs. goals vs. wishes

|  | Goal | Value | Wish / "should" |
| --- | --- | --- | --- |
| **Nature** | A destination you can reach | A direction you keep traveling | Something you think you ought to want |
| **Can you finish it?** | Yes | No, it's ongoing | Unclear |
| **Example** | Run a half marathon | Taking care of my body | "I should be a marathon person" |
| **Tell-tale sign** | Checkbox energy | You'd still want it after the goal is done | Mostly dread or guilt |

## How Do You Know If You've Got It Wrong?

A few tests help. First, the cost test: does this value ever cost you something, and do you pay it? A value you've never sacrificed for is probably a preference. Second, the borrowed test: whose voice is this? If you hear a parent, a boss or Instagram, it may be a "should" in a value costume. Third, the Tuesday test: can you point to something you did this week that reflected it? If not, either the value isn't real yet or your life and your values have drifted apart. That's useful information too, and it's often what a **[life audit](https://www.optyoumize.com/blog/what-is-a-life-audit-and-how-to-do-one)** is designed to surface.

And one more thing. Values can change, or at least rearrange, over the years. Most of us underestimate how much we'll change, a pattern covered in **[the end-of-history illusion](https://www.optyoumize.com/blog/what-is-the-end-of-history-illusion-and-why-do-you-think-youre-done-changing)**. So treat your list as a draft you revisit once a year, not a tattoo.

## What Do You Do With Your Values Once You Have Them?

Use them as a filter, and keep it small. When you're deciding whether to say yes to a project, a commitment or a weekend, ask: does this move me in one of my directions, or away from it? You won't get a perfect answer, but you'll get a better one than "I don't know, it seems fine."

They're also a good check on busyness. If your calendar is full and none of it traces back to a value you named, that's worth noticing. Our post on **[whether you're actually growing or just staying busy](https://www.optyoumize.com/blog/are-you-actually-growing-or-just-staying-busy)** goes deeper on that distinction.

A small caution: don't turn your values into a new scorecard to feel bad about. You will sometimes miss. The point is direction, not perfection. If you notice you drifted, you just turn the wheel.

## Frequently Asked Questions

### What are core values?

Core values are the principles that guide what you choose and how you want to live, such as honesty, curiosity, family or craft. They work more like a direction than a goal: you keep moving toward them rather than finishing them.

### How many core values should I have?

Three to five is a workable range. Fewer than three can feel thin, and more than five tends to turn into a wish list you can't use when making real decisions.

### What's the difference between values and goals?

A goal is something you can complete, like running a half marathon. A value is an ongoing direction, like taking care of your body. Goals are often how you act on a value, but the value remains after the goal is done.

### Can your core values change?

Yes, or at least their order and meaning can shift as your life changes. It helps to review your values once a year and treat the list as a working draft.

## Where This Leaves You

You don't need a retreat, a guru or a 150-word list to find your values. You need an honest look at the moments you've felt most like yourself, a little attention to what irritates and attracts you, and a willingness to translate big words into small actions. That's the heart of our **[Growth & Self-Becoming](https://www.optyoumize.com/growth-self-becoming)** pillar: becoming more of who you actually are, on purpose, one ordinary choice at a time.

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### [Brett Ingram](https://www.optyoumize.com/blog/author/brett-ingram)

My name is Brett Ingram — coach, speaker, podcast host, and award-winning entrepreneur. After 20 years building businesses I came to believe the most important self-improvement question isn't "how do I do more?" but rather "what does a genuinely good life actually look like for me?" We'll explore that question across the seven pillars of a well-lived life: mind, body, purpose, relationships, money, time, and growth.

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#### How Do You Figure Out What Your Core Values Are?

Core values aren't a word list. They're what you actually choose when it costs you. Here's a 5-step way to find yours, backed by research.

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October 09, 2026

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